Subject:The X(mas) Files
Date:Fri, 05 Dec 1997 18:33:23 +1100
Mulder: We're too late. It's already been here. 

Scully: Mulder, I hope you know what you are doing. 

Mulder: Look, Scully, just like the other homes: Douglas fir, 
truncated, mounted, transformed into some sort of shrine; halls 
decked with boughs of holly; stockings hung by the chimney, 
with care. 

Scully: You really think someone's been here? 

Mulder: Someone or some THING. 

Scully: Mulder, over here -- it's fruitcake. 

Mulder: Don't touch it! Those things can be lethal. 

Scully: It's O.K. There's a note attached: "Gonna find out 
who's naughty and nice." 

Mulder: It's judging them, Scully. It's making a list. 

Scully: Who? What are you talking about? 

Mulder: Ancient mythology tells of an obese humanoid entity 
who could travel at great speed in a craft powered by 
antlered servants. Once each year, near the winter solstice, 
this creature is said to descend from the heavens to reward 
its followers and punish its disbelievers with jagged chunks of 
anthracite. 

Scully: But that's legend, Mulder -- a story told by parents 
to frighten children. Surely, you don't believe it? 

Mulder: Something was here tonight, Scully. Check out the bite 
marks on this gingerbread man. Whatever tore through this plate 
of cookies was massive -- and in a hurry. 

Scully: It left crumbs everywhere. And look, Mulder, this milk 
glass has been completely drained. 

Mulder: It gorged itself, Scully. It fed without remorse. 

Scully: But why would they leave it milk and cookies? 

Mulder: Appeasement. Tonight is the Eve, and nothing can stop 
its wilding. 

Scully: But if this thing does exist, how did it get in? The 
doors and windows were locked. There's no sign of forced entry. 

Mulder: Unless I miss my guess, it came through the fireplace. 

Scully: Wait a minute, Mulder. If you are saying some huge 
creature landed on the roof and came down the chimney, you're 
crazy. The flue is barely six inches wide. Nothing could get 
through there. 

Mulder: But what if it could alter its shape, move in all directions. 

Scully: You mean, like a bowl full of jelly? 

Mulder: Exactly. Scully, I've never told anyone this, but when I 
was a child my home was visited. I saw the creature. It had long 
white strips of fur surrounding its ruddy, misshapen head. Its 
bloated torso was red and white. I'll never forget the horror. I 
turned away, and when I looked back it had somehow taken on the 
facial features of my father. 

Scully: Impossible. 

Mulder: I know what I saw. And that night it read my mind. It 
brought me a Mr. Potato Head, Scully. IT KNEW I WANTED A 
MR. POTATO HEAD. 

Scully: I'm sorry, Mulder, but you're asking me to disregard the 
laws of physics. You want me to believe in some supernatural being 
who soars across the skies and brings gifts to good little girls 
and boys. Listen to what you are saying. Do you understand the 
repercussions? If this gets out, they'll close the X-files. 

Mulder: Scully, listen to me: It knows when you are sleeping. It 
knows when you're awake. 

Scully: But we have no proof. 

Mulder: Last year, on this exact date, S.E.T.I. radio telescopes 
detected bogeys in the airspace over twenty-seven states. The 
White House ordered a Condition Red. 

Scully: But that was a meteor shower. 

Mulder: Officially. Two days ago, eight prized Scandinavian reindeer 
vanished from the National Zoo in Washington, D.C. Nobody - not 
even the zookeeper - was told about it. The government doesn't want 
people to know about Project Kringle. They fear that if this thing 
is proved to exist, then the public would stop spending half its 
annual income in a holiday shopping frenzy. Retail markets will 
collapse. Scully, they cannot let the world believe this creature 
lives. There's too much at stake. They'll do whatever it takes to 
ensure another silent night. 

Scully: Mulder, I -- 

Mulder: Sh-h-h! Do you hear what I hear? 

Scully: On the roof. It sounds like . . . a clatter. 

Mulder: The truth is up there. Let's see what's the matter.